What's in a Gnome?
The one where the guys go to the amusement park.
No credit or mention of Janet this episode.
This was a simple one. Someone is sabotaging a soon-to-be-opened amusement park. The park manager hires Rick and A.J. to find out who is responsible. The twist? The owner has sent in his own guys to flush out "The Phantom" -- Ex-Marines. Seems the owner is an Ex-Marine also. As is...Rick.
Stay tuned tonight as Simon and Simon remind us what a debacle the Viet Nam War was...
Gigi has lots of questions this time: The first: What's that? A bomb. What's a bomb?
The guys have their first meeting with the park manager (Denise Carroll) on a rollercoaster. (Gigi: I love that ride!) Obviously, Rick is not a rollercoaster fan.
Carroll: Are you ok? (as they ride up) Rick: Oh sure. I'm fine. I love mechanized death.
The saboteur's device stops the coaster just before the big drop. Rick is relieved.
Rick: We're going to need cover jobs.
Denise: Right. Listen how about you (Rick) in maintenance and you (A.J.) in theme work.
Rick: No, wait. I want theme work. I always have to do the maintenance stuff. I want to do theme work this time.
A.J. OK
Rick: What is that?
The cut is to a gnome dancing. Yes, a theme park sized gnome. Dancing. It's a class for amusement park characters. They're all gnome. Rick looks disgusted. He's in the back row, of course.
Teacher: What's in a gnome? Guffaws and chuckles and shiny belt buckles. He's friendly. He's happy. His toetap is tippy.
Rick is in his element in this class. He's the troublemaker and class clown. The teacher asks what is the most important thing about being a gnome. She calls on "Ricky." His reply? "Sex."
At this point I was happy Gigi didn't ask what "Sex" was.
The teacher is flustered and answers, "The most important thing about being a gnome is the psychologically of being a gnome." The class immediately writes that down. Rick is flabbergasted, "They're writing it down!" Later there is an even more disturbing scene with Rick and the teacher. It involves Rick dancing and the teacher pretending to be a five-year-old boy. Too scary to go further.
There is a scene that has nothing to do with the episode, but explores the personalities of the brothers:
A.J. sees Rick give a business card to a girl and questions why he'd risk blowing their covers.
Rick: That was one of my fake business cards: Artie Belson - Sporting Goods.
AJ: Tell me something Rick. On the rare occurrence that this pathetic little scam works and the girl actually calls and you actually go out what happens?
Rick: I thought Dad explained all that to you.
AJ: No. No. I mean are you Artie Belson Sporting Goods to her forever?
Rick: What's in a name? Besides, any girl that would fall for a routine like that thinks forever is the name of a perfume. I'm Artie Belson three-four hours tops.
AJ: Shabby, Rick, shabby
Rick: Yes it is and a lot cheaper than a $60 bottle of wine and the phony vintage photo collection you use.
AJ: Let's face it. Like what Dad always said, "It doesn't matter how you bait the hook just as long as you get them in the bucket."
Gigi didn't understand that exchange, but loved hearing Rick laugh.
Rick and AJ visit an old Marine buddy of Rick's who now keeps a Viet Name database. We hear a lot of Rick's feelings about A.J. not serving in the military, "Oh I forgot. You were a campus soldier."
And it looks as though someone wasn't a fan of the war...
Doyle: "Little history lesson. How to subdue a tiny Asian country in 15 years for five trillion dollars."
Rick: No thanks, I already took that course.
Gigi is upset to see Rick smoking. We discuss the evils of cigarettes.
Rick and AJ figure the saboteur is one of the gnomes. So Rick starts going through lockers and is caught...
Dwyer: Gnomes who go through other gnomes lockers get in a lot of trouble. Maybe even get hurt.
Rick plays it off as looking for a match. Dwyer lights his cigarette with a lighter with a map of Vietnam. Whoa! Maybe it's our guy! (Forget the fact they've seen his photo and Rick knows it is our guy.)
Rick wants to make a connection so as he leaves he says "Goodnight, Chesty, where ever you are." This isn't TV. Marines really do say that.
They bond. Rick mentions a Viet Nam Marine legend and Dwyer claims to be that legend. AJ interrupts and Dwyer shoots at the guys and escapes. Now we get some more "brother" time...
AJ: Rick the guy is a psycho!
Rick: Why? People are real trigger happy with that word when it comes to Vietnam vets. If I wasn't your brother you'd probably think I was psycho just cause I was over there.
AJ: No, I thought you were psycho before you went.
They find Dwyer's hideout and convince him they're on his side. So it's time for more anti-Vietnam sentiment...
Dwyer: Vietnam is just another old show they watched years ago. Eat your TV dinner and watch the kid next door face down in the mud. Pass the fish sticks and sleep like a log.
AJ: I didn't sleep too well during those years.
Rick: My brother was one of those campus commandos that fought the war from behind a protest sign.
AJ: We knew what was going on. We were concerned with larger issues than toga parties.
Rick: A.J. You want a real large issue? Breakfast and being alive to eat it. You guys were worried about whether you could carry 21 hours a semester. We were worried about whether we were going to make it through the next 24.
AJ: That is why I didn't sleep well at night.
Dwyer defends AJ: Hey, if people like him hadn't fought the way they did you might have come home in a bag. I'm just glad he didn't have to go.
Rick: yeah, me too.
Dwyer explains his motives. Greyson sent in a bombing run that killed a bunch of his fellow soldiers then and later through the chemicals that were dropped. He says, "I'm a dead man. Greyson killed me 12 years ago."
Gigi interrupted, "I have a good question. He should be lying down if he's killed." Here we discuss how people use language. How you can't take everything literally.
The guys join up with Dwyer and promise to help him get the word out about the damage Greyson did in the war. Somehow Greyson knows this when they come out and has his men shooting at all three of our heroes.
Lots of shooting, but no one gets hit. That's what I love about old shows.
There is finally a standoff when Dwyer captures Greyson. He has a knife to Greyson's throat and everyone pointing guys at him, AJ, and Rick. Greyson tells his men not to believe Dwyer because he's a Section Eight."
Rick: I don't know about you guys, but I'll take a Section Eight over an "Official Report" any day. Anybody who was over there knows about official reports don't they?
If that doesn't convince everyone Greyson was a jerk his own words do. He admits he knew 79 Marines were there, but they were expendable. His own guys walk off and everyone leaves him alone shouting to kill Dwyer.
We have our first "Two Months Later" and learn Greyson is under trial and Dwyer is dead. We see Rick in his dress blues at the funeral. He has a purple heart and quite a few other medals.
Quotes:
AJ: I was expecting, I don't know, tattoos and a pack of luckies rolled up in a t-shirt sleeve.
Rick: Just what America needs. More fun? More chains.
Rick: Col. Grayson? I think I saluted him somewhere.
Rick: There is no such thing as an ex-Marine.
AJ: What was your edge?
Rick: Never volunteering.
AJ: Do you do this for a living?
Doyle: No, I do it for the dead.
Doyle: We have seen some strange times haven't we my friends?
Rick: Yes we have.
Dwyer: Welcome to fire base Middle Earth.
Triva:
According to Rick's insignia he was a Master Sgt in the Marines. He also has the Rifle Expert Medal. Doyle was a Corporal.
The Geronimo Ride Operator is Bobby
The dancing gnome is Fritz.
The photocopied IDs are the ones from "Mike and Pat." We know A.J.s license starts M83 and his SSN ends in 6886. He is 5'11" and 165lbs.
The readout on Lawrence Greyson:
Birthdate: 3/10/21
SSN: 554-64-9524
03/16/40 Enlisted
03/29/61 Second Lt.
05/27/62 Lt.
02/02/63 Captain
06/19/64 Major
(When Doyle reads the list he adds a year each to the last two.)
The computer logon password is displayed! FJD022
The minister was played by Olan Soule. The man was all over television in the 50s, 60s and 70s. You'd recognize his voice if not his face. This and another S&S episode were two of his last three TV appearance.
The Gnome Teacher, Lori, was played by the daughter of June Lockhart. Anne Lockhart would play in three S&S episodes.
Original air date: February 24, 1983 - Production Code: 57519
Writer: Paul Magistretti
Director: Sigmund Neufeld, Jr.
Guest Stars:
Luke Dwyer.....................Richard Cox
Denise Carroll.................Judith Chapman
Lori (Gnome teacher).....Anne Lockhart
Vince Hurst.....................Grainger Hines
Ed Williams......................Ted Markland
Special Guest Star:
Ed Lauter
as Col. Lawrence Grayson
Co-Starring: (closing credits)
Dodger Doyle...........................Alan Toy
Doctor (Anderson)..................Barbara Beckley
Minister....................................Olan Soule