The Secret of the Chrome Eagle
The one where A.J.and Rick take a road trip in a classic car....with a secret treasure!
Let's just say any episode with Lovey Howell is a dream. Of course, she's called "Sophie Chaflin" in this episode, but we all recognize Thurston Howell wife.
Well, at least I did. Gigi was more happy to see the opening where Rick and A.J. are in a pool of water: "I think Rick wanted to swim. He loves to swim."
Back to our story. This episode starts without the brothers. We see a women's prison in Louisiana and Ellie Swayze kills a guard to escape.
Then we get to see Cecelia talk A.J. and Rick into delivering a car for a friend of hers. The afore mentioned Sophie. A.J. is happy to do it since it is a rare 1935 Cadillac Chrome Eagle (though it sure looks like a 1935 Cadillac Fleetwood (pictured) to me.)
Before they go Rick has a writer from a car magazine talk him into letting her document the trip for an article. She joins our heroes and off they go. But where? Danger is afoot since the writer is none other than Ellie Swayze - Guard Killer!
I must stop and mention this moment:the Brothers Simon sing The Beatles! Specifically When I'm Sixty-Four. The look Gerald McRaney is giving Jameson Parker occurs as McRaney realizes Parker has just looked at him and loudly sang the italized line "When I get older losing my hair many years from now..". McRaney stops singing, smiles, and then continues. Unfortunately for Shelley Smith she sings (poorly) alone -- "many a year from now."
At a rest stop A.J. is in the bathroom when Ellie makes a move to kiss (and kill) Rick. She's foiled by A.J.'s return. While Rick takes his turn Ellie makes a play for A.J. He turned her down flat. He smells a rat and begins to grill her about the magazine. She passes. Then he tricks her into falsely answering a car question. She's a fraud! The guys leave her on the road by town.
Meanwhile, back at the Howell Estate, excuse me Caflin Mansion, a cop from New Orleans comes snooping around. He knows about the car. He's the detective who investigated a theft in New Orleans three years ago...and one of the suspects was Mr. Chaflin. Sophie remembers him and tells him the car is gone.
Guess who finds Ellie hitchhiking? Right, none other than our cop Donegan. They join forces -- Donegan being a crooked cop and all.
At this point we pause while I explain to Gigi what "piece of cake" means. I will come to regret this.
During one of the incredibly rare rainy scenes the bad guys try to steal the car. Then they shoot at A.J. and Rick in an effort to wreck them. Then we discover the Simon brothers were carrying big guns in that golf bag. The good guys figure the bad guys don't want the car...they want something in the car.
The end up in Feltzer's Auto Repairs in Lompoc, California with Rick convincing A.J. and the recently arrived Sophie to take the car apart and find the treasure.
Of course, they don't find anything. The car sits in little pieces and someone finally figures out the gold must be hidden in the engine. Wait, haven't we mentioned two or three times a cylinder is missing? That's it! Yes, they find a treasure....
A map in the cylinder. Looking none the worse for wear after being in the hot engine for hours.
It's a map in Chinese. Luckily the "University of Lompoc" has a Chinese language expert. She tells them where the treasure is buried. She recognizes the map as one from a famous Chinese captain, Hop Soon Lee - the Chinese Marco Polo."
Meanwhile, Ellie and the cop investigate the garage and find the map missing. Ellie kills the cop (off camera). Our guys go find the treasure. Find out the Army Corps of Engineers discovered the treasure in 1935. It seems everyone who finds a copy of the map tries to get the gold off state property. It's smack dab in the middle of a water management drain.
Our heroes get soaked and put in jail. While there Ellie robs the map from the water management office. Upon hearing this A.J. deduces the map wasn't a copy, but the original and it was the treasure. They get out of jail and head for Sophie's buyer in San Francisco. Especially when they find out he is a paleographer. (You can look that up as an exercise.)
They go there, find Ellie and the map. Our heroes burst in guns drawn and save the day. The map is owned by a museum in Boston who will give a $50,000 reward. The guys give it all to Sophie. She promises the brothers 20% of the Chrome Eagle -- not knowing Billy Bob is in jail.
The coda humor is when they go to get the pieces of the Caddy. They're hoping someday they can find someone to put it back together. When they get there they find the Lompoc mechanic has already completed the job. The boys hug said mechanic ("Bobby" according to his name patch) and we freeze-frame.
Gigi's final words: "And the plan works for Rick and A.J.!"
Quotes:
AJ: "What we have here is a 1935 Cadillac Chrome Eagle, B12 engine, 370 horses, one shot lube system"
Eleanor really wants a ride. Rick tells her it will be a multi-day trip. She replies, "I'm sure we could work out some sort of sleeping arrangements."
Myron hears about Eleanor and sees the golf bag the guys are taking on the trip, "Broads? Golf clubs? A.J. is that the way I taught you to handle a case?"
A.J. "Uh, huh."
Sophie: (on tearing the car apart) : "Cut that sucker!"
Myron: "This is the wackiest story I've ever heard in my life."
AJ: "I am violently opposed to this whole cockeyed treasure hunt."
Rick: "Could have fooled me."
Eleanor: "I should have killed you both when I had the chance."
Rick: "Does this mean our lunch is off?"
Trivia:
One piece of trivia was so much fun to figure out I gave it its own page: The Secret of the Chrome Eagle Obits
The road mileage sign at the opening says the prison is on US 90 and is 85 miles from Lake Charles and 146 miles from Beaumont Texas. That puts it in Lafayette LA
The events in California start five days after Eleanor kills the guard and escapes
Eleanor's mug shot number: "93 4350"
The guys and Eleanor sing part of "When I'm Sixty-Four" by the Beatles. Eleanor doesn't get the lyrics correct.
The "Chrome Eagle" has a historical vehicle plate: 322
Donegan's car license: 1fea474
When taking the car apart Rick wears a jumpsuit with a patch on the back "Will Kill, Inc" An exterminator's suit.
Myron says he drove Sophie "122 miles" at "22 cents a mile." That puts Sophie's house around Malibu, CA
Rick's old Marine/chop shop buddy is "Billy Bob Bayshore."
Eleanor kills the prison guard and the ex-cop. That makes her one of the more violent female antagonists of the series.
This is Albert Salmi's only appearance on Simon and Simon. His life will end in 1990 as part of a murder/suicide with his wife.
Original air date: March 3, 1983 - Production Code: 57525
Writer: Mike Lloyd Ross
Director: Vincent McEveety
Guest Stars:
Eleanor Swayze/Swanson.........Shelley Smith
Sophie Chaflin.............................Natalie Schafer
Sergeant Donegan......................Albert Salmi
Feltzer.........................................Robert Totten
Co-Starring: (closing credits)
Lisa Chen.........................Helen Funai
Claude Paxley..................Gary Allen
(Al) Colley........................Joel Lawrence
Burns...............................Dan Ferrone